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BOB

How I Won My Prize

This is another weird song I made. Prepare for ultimate randomness.

How I Won My Prize

I went to Europe
And for I saw the Holy Grail
Atop a giant cliff
Of gargantuan scale
I asked a mountain climber
With a pony tail
“Do you know the way up there?
Is there some sort of trail?”

And he said

“If you want to climb
The north face of Old Mountain Blue
I give you eighty euros
A mountain bike buy You”

And so…

I went to the bike shop
Of Old Mountain Blue
And I asked the Cashier for a clue

And she said

“Can I help You?”

And I said

“I need a mountain bike to ride
Up Old Mountain Blue.”

And she said

“Sorry, but they closed the biking trail
Of Old Mountain Blue.
At the local Tourist Trap
You can buy some cheap climbing gear
I’ll give you eighty euros for that.”

And so…

I went to the Local Tourist Trap
Of Old Mountain Blue
I asked if I could buy some climbing gear

And the Employee said,

“Can I help you?”

And I said,

“I need some cheap climbing gear
To climb up Old Mountain Blue.”

And he said,

“Sold out of Cheap Climbing Gear are we.
But you can ride a Piper Cub
On Old Mountain Blue many sights you will see
Come with me,”

And so…

I followed him out into the yard.
He drove me to his airfield
And the car
Broke down on the side of the road
Next to a toad

And I said,

“We’re lost.
We’re gone.
Goners dead are we.”

And he said,

“Don’t you worry.
Please don’t pee.
Just go to the store across the street.
And buy us some tea.
Here are eighty euros
For the expensive fee.”

And so…

I ran across the street
And a car hit me
I was stuck to the bumper for quite some time
At last the car came to a stop
Spinning on a dime

I jumped off
Quite unharmed.
I was on top of the mountain
And gosh be darned
There
In the tree
Was the Holy Grail
How rich what I would be

I reached and reached
It was up too high.
So I climbed up the trunk
And at last, I began to cry
It was just within reach
I could almost see it in my hand
When my tennis shoe slipped
And I flipped
Head over heels
Right over the Holy Grail
And straight into land

I fell asleep
For quite awhile
At last I woke up
I had been moved many miles
I was in Old Mountain Blue Hospital
And my arm felt a pull
I looked to my left and Darned be Gosh
The Grail was poked straight through the bone
I yelled “O My Knosh!”
And called nine-one-one on the phone
The operator answered me

And he said,

“Spencer, Spencer, Spencer,
Tisk, tisk, tisk,
Why have you been so
Dan-ger-ous
You climbed in that tree
When it said “no climbing”
You started seizing up
When it said “no crying”
You fell on your cup
And look
Now it’s stuck
It’s stuck fast to your arm all right
Went straight through the bone
Now you will have to deal with it day and night
For the rest of your life, a drone
Why did you break
Such delicate rules?
Why did you take
What didn’t belong to you?
No you face
The horror of your bill
Twenty Four Hundred Euros
Must pay you will!”

And I said,

“Ha ha ha, you can’t fool me
I already cumulated all of that fee
I won it all my life
As I strived to get that grail
And now I have it
So I won’t scream a wail.”

And that

My friends

Is how I won my prize!

The Robot

This song is dedicated to all the creepy robots out there. There are some random parts in it, but I put them in because I couldn't find anything that rhymed.

Robot

No moles no pimples no zits no dimples
Shes a perfect girl
Perfect girl
No acne no lip hair no warts no facial hair
Shes a perfect girl
Perfect girl Dunununununununuh
Beating down the street
Like a real live wire
Shes a perfect girl
Perfect girl
She has perfect coffee skin
Shes a perfect girl
Perfect girl

Chorus

Dunununununununuh

Woo woo goes the trolley
Running over squirrels
Shes a perfect girl
Perfect girl

Toot toot goes the mayor
On his final speech
Looks like he ate some beans
He’s making a scene
He’s not a perfect girl
Perfect girl

No lashes no unibrow no crust no drool
Shes a perfect girl
Perfect girl
No tan lines no wrinkles no bikini lines no tinkles
Shes a perfect girl
Perfect girl Dunununununununuh
Beating down the street
Like a real live wire
Shes a perfect girl
Perfect girl
Shes kind of creepy
Shes a perfect girl
Perfect girl

Dunununununununuh

Woo woo goes the trolley
Running over squirrels
Shes a perfect girl
Perfect girl

Toot toot goes the mayor
On his final speech
Looks like he ate some beans
He’s making a scene
He’s not a perfect girl
Perfect girl

No love handles no birthmarks no varicose veins no corns
Shes a perfect girl
Perfect girl
Perfect blonde not a mark in sight
Shes a perfect girl
Perfect girl
Beating down the street
Shes a real LIVE WIRE.
Shes a perfect girl
Perfect girl
She is a little weird
Shes a perfect girl
Perfect girl

Dunununununununuh

Malfunction Malfunction went the perfect girl
She’s a robot of course of course

Error error went that perfect girl
And now we didn’t see her anymore

I spilled my margarita
On her LIVE WIRE
And the seam in her back I didn’t see
Burst into electri-ci-ty
Her fuel tank started to pee

Twitch twitch went the perfect girl
I shoulda seen the signs
For she was a robot from the very beginning
From the county Assembly Line